The Heart Of It | Perfectionism

erfectionism is a funny thing. Desperately do we seek such an unobtainable personality trait, and then fall apart wondering if it is because we aren't doing enough. A performer through and through am I, but many times do I find myself trapped in a perfectionist mindset. Why? Because I do not want others to see me as weak. I would rather drop due to exhaustion rather than defeat, so I keep going to produce. Productivity can come in many forms, just as long as they are perfect enough to meet a standard. We all have that one area in our life that must appear perfect (or for some, all areas). Personally, I see this shine through with my longing to obtain perfect grades, beautifully captured photographs, an organized calendar, and goals to tackle. I believed (and sometimes still do) that these things would make me feel strong. They would bring me power. I would appear capable.

Isn't that the definition of perfectionism?...the ability to appear put together in order for others to believe that we are more capable than originally perceived. That, however, is my take on this concept. Well, I am tired of proving myself. I shouldn't have to achieve anything on a scale of perfection in order for it to count.

To kick off my summer in May after I graduated, I spent a few days away at The Mission Inn Hotel with my mom to finally feel free of deadlines and anxiety. For the first time since I began blogging back in 2012, I left my DSLR camera at home. I didn't want to be bothered with finding the perfect lighting or worry if it'll fit in my bag. Every corner of that hotel deserved to have its photograph taken, and I often wished I brought my camera along. After all, an iPhone can only do so much. But, it was during these moments that I learned to be more present.

To be present is a new discovery for me. It means leaving behind all that I care about; chasing after all, that appears and feels the most perfect I can make it. Resting in any capacity takes great contentment, which is the opposite of perfectionism. Reading by the pool felt more calming than ever before. Why? Because I realized how much my body use to had to function in order to be a high-capacity type of person. I never let my mind rest or my shoulders drop. Instead, I filled my body with tension and thoughts that turned into anxiety. Being present is more about caring about the simple things; bare face of makeup, tea in a childhood mug, or taking the time to journal.

Perfectionism has us believe that "if I look perfect if I work perfectly if I act perfect and do everything perfectly" it will exempt us from the feelings we hide from; judgment or shame. After all, isn't that why I feel a need to display such perfectionism? If my life looks put together than I can escape all disappoint or opinions from others, and instead only feed off of their praise. I cannot be naive and believe that this type of mindset could ever be cured, but there are ways I am going to stop falling into the trap.

Trying to keep up this image only creates exhaustion, fear, and keeping people at arm's length. Being perfect is just not real. I've found that my intention was to be able to "fit in" but in the end, it only makes me less relatable to the world around me. No one is able to have a connection that is built on trust and compassion if perfectionism is the foundation. We must allow for some cracks to bleed through if we ever wish to make an impact on someone's life, or simply our own. I challenge you (and myself) to stop being so busy trying to be perfect, but more present.

Self Care | The Heart Of It

elf care has honestly become such a trendy word. So much so, I believe it has lost it's meaning and purpose all together. Yet, lately in my life it has been such an important one for me to recognize and practice. I am not talking about a spa day, watching a special movie, or spending time with my girlfriends. No, that would fall under "me-time." I'm talking about self care. Things that I must do for myself, even when it's difficult.

One way I can do this for myself is by saying the word no. I am sure you know what it's like to have too much piled up in your weekly schedule. It is exhausting. Sometimes it is nice to busy, constantly on the go. That way I don't have to focus on myself. But after a while, nothing is more desired than saying the word no.

I struggle with this concept, because saying no has always meant a lack of productivity. And as a three on the Enneagram test (the achiever), it is how I gain acceptance.

But, I am slowly learning how unhealthy it is to constantly worry about my list of achievements. Every season is a reflection of something new, such as growth, rest, or creation. Well, mine right now is a mixture of all three. In order to not lose myself in this process, an understanding of true self care is needed more than ever. After all, how can I be accepted by others if I haven't taken the time to truly accept myself?

You see, saying no means saying yes to myself.

Saying yes to myself more often means listening to my body and mental health, as that is the essence of self care. Indulge in self care in such a way that it creates personal growth in a more powerful and deeper way, than what any bubble bath could do.


 p.s. this is my 500th post published on the blog! Thank you for your support all these years by reading A Beautiful Heart. 

The Heart Of It | Personal Growth

ately, Pinterest has been all about inspirational quotes. The one's I continue to pin are all about overcoming your fears, recognizing your past, and giving yourself grace. I didn't even realize it, but they all happen to be from the same author, Morgan Harper Nichols. Her saying are literally everything I want to write. This one (down below) is the one I fell in love with the most. It speaks volumes of where I am at right now. I wanted to post this on Instagram, but I thought it deserved a less vague description of my view of growth. So here we go!

Life isn't always about success. I believe it's the windy roads, long nights, and deep trust in God. It is then when I have the ability to grow and learn. Growth is difficult as it requires change. I've never been a fan of change, because it holds many unknowns. I am a planner. When things aren't scheduled or goals aren't met, I tend to lose it. So, a change of location, job, or friendships are hard enough, let alone within yourself.

Last July I was no the same girl I am today. I was packing my bags for college, excited to make new friends, and not letting my fears get inside my head. I had waited my whole life for this ideal college experience I made up in my head, and how quickly that all seemed to change. I did everything I desired: journalism, choir, living in the dorms, being on the college newspaper, and meeting new friends. But, instead my year became complicated and different than I would have ever imagined. For that I am eternally grateful.

Without the struggles or fears I had along the way that pulled me down, I wouldn't have had to change, listen or forgive. Nothing is more beautiful than the ability to recognize our flaws and strengths, and still give ourselves grace. The never ending type of grace the Lord gives me every single day. "Even in the darkness, light is still pouring in." What a wonderful reminder to embrace all that I have been through...good and bad.

Many say to never look to the past, as you are not going that way. BUT, I say that is the only way I will know how to move forward.

It's acknowledging all that I've learned, never forgetting! To be proud of all that I had to face. I never want to lose sight of last year, for it makes me who I am today. I could easily ask why all this happened to me. Why my ideals changed and disappointed me. Or why I hold onto certain values so tightly. Rather, I say thank you God. You made me unique. Full of ambition to know myself fully through You. If it wasn't for my challenges, I wouldn't have needed to place all my trust and hope in Him.

I love that through change, I have the ability to sprout into who I was suppose to be all along. I am so proud of the steep hills I have climbed to get me where I am today. When I really dug deep into my roots, so many terms were redefined in the process such as, success, importance, reconnection, and acceptance. When I began to work on these terms in certain areas of my life, everything seemed to click. A new perspective was gained, and a healthier mindset was placed. It's amazing how understanding a piece of who you are gives you the courage to become content and confident. My story makes me stronger, and gives me the tools I'll need for my next one.

The Heart Of It | Authenticity

veryday it seems like my side hustle 'blogging' isn't so uncommon like it was six years ago when I started. When I went to my University it was strange to find someone who didn't blog, haha. I love blogging. The community has always been kind to me. And now it's growing like crazy. Unless I check my bloglovin' account everyday, I can't keep up with the amount of content that comes through my feed. Sometimes it doesn't matter, though.

For as much content I read on a daily basis, I can't recall much. Not a lot these days seem to stay with me. Weekly link up's, latest brands that are on sale, and world travels are the only type of posts bloggers know how to produce. And I'm sorry (I'm not really) any more 'swipe up' comments from anyone on Instagram is going to lose my following.


Why doesn't anyone share important life updates anymore? I'm not talking about the ones during graduation, him down on one knee, or the wedding ceremony. I'm suggesting the moments of our lives that seem scary or sad.


Believe me, I'm so guilty of this. I shared photos of my time at University, but not so much about the roommate troubles or the scene in the cafeteria of my ex-roommate attacking my reasons for switching dorms. It's hard to allow strangers into our stories, because our experiences are unlike anyone else's.

Most situations in our lives already require us to be vulnerable, so why would we put ourselves in that place all over again in a blog post, Instagram photo, or story time in video format?

All I know is that I'm tired of content that becomes undistinguishable.


To me, the joy of reading a blog, compared to social media, is the personality that shines through. I genuinely love learning about people's family, their dog, or hometown. Reading their experiences and how they managed to breakthrough. That to me is worth reading for years to come.

I hope that my blog right here is one that displays true authenticity. I want you all to be able to connect with me on some level. This is a small blog, no brand deals, sponsored content. No presents on my images or luxury trips to Europe. Just a girl who is beginning her senior year in college online (just this last year), in her beachy/PotteryBarn inspired bedroom, learning the joys of single-hood, all while trying to lean on the Lord for guidance. That's it. My content is probably simple, and my site isn't crazy with links or colors. But, it's me.

Blogs are changing and while advancement is always neat, let's not lose our sense of authenticity online anymore. Let's connect through our personal stories, not common interests such as fashion trends or bucket list travel destinations.

{ p.s. my little series "coffee talk" is now changing into "the heart of it." I thought it fit better with the branding of A Beautiful Heart. Coffee photos to start off the post, though, will probably be leaving! } 

The Heart Of It | Criticism

JUST SWALLOW

Criticism is the worst part of trying something new. Feedback is a tough thing to swallow because to me it means failure. That my capabilities or work isn't enough. Perhaps criticism has been aimed towards your personality. Gosh can that make you feel low. I know it has for me. 

Certain criticism needs to be shut down immediately. At times it isn't all true or right for you to hear. But, if you are a college student like me trying to figure out where all the pieces fit, than you've probably received a lot of criticism too. 

I've learned that criticism doesn't always mean you are wrong. Sometimes it means you are on the right track. It simply means you are worth critiquing. I just absolutely loved hearing that from one of my dear professors. It has helped me so much to overcome this feeling I have had for so long. I've carried around this pressure to be perfect in order to never receive comments that suggested otherwise, but that isn't the point. 

At the end of the day, I cannot please everybody. I will never be perfect. Honestly, that is okay. Providing a filter towards the harsh criticism that comes my way though is healthy. Instead of letting it eat at me, I can absorb the comments and discern which to listen to. 

For me though, it runs deeper than just accepting my imperfections compared to others. It has to do with holding onto every praise from others. Just as we shouldn't become obsessed with criticism, I should be with people's compliments either. If I live for one's approval, I will die of their criticism. 

I hope my thoughts can help you in anyway possible. I began to type and the words kept flowing. As I was told, "You can be the juiciest peach, and someone will hate peaches." 

The Heart Of It | Transitions

ife is full of adventure, personal growth, laughter, new experiences, and connections, but most importantly transitions. We all come from different backgrounds and own a set of worldview from growing up. As a 20 year old girl who has just entered this University life here at Vanguard University of Southern California as a transfer junior, the life altering concept of transitions is something that's shaped my every being all within a matter of two weeks.

It's a special time to break free from the life I once knew, to explore new desires and passions. I have the opportunity to start fresh and say goodbye to the habits, friendships, and environment that challenged my faith with the Lord like no other. This new chapter in my life has been longed for ever since I placed my tassel on the left side of my graduation cap in high school.

Even with this rush of excitement to feel settled in, and be apart of this community on campus it comes with a flood of emotions as I'm trying to figure out who I am and all that I hope to gain through these next two years.

Our community is diverse and filled with hundreds of different backgrounds, and personal testimonies. It's easy to leave behind all we know, and come from growing up with our families. However, as wonderful as it is to begin with a clean slate, it's daunting.

Who am I suppose to trust? When should I feel comfortable letting lose? Will other's judge me? Am I enough? Am I lacking in self confidence? All of these questions are one's that silently screamed in the back of my mind before starting college, and I often wondered if such anxiety would peek through on the outside.

This transition hasn't been all that I expected, or even hoped in both good and bad situations. The friendships I've made have been a true comfort, but yet I've had to face obstacles I didn't know I would, especially at a Christian University.

As I have leaned on the Lord for comfort he has pointed me to a verse over and over again, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them" - Genesis 1:27.

So as I have dealt with identity questions about who I desire to be, I remember that my worth comes from Him.

I am a child of God, and he has fearfully and wonderfully made me. I can feel loved, accepted, and beautiful because of Him.

The Lord has been showing me so many things during this time of transition, and truly creating this type of transformation within me.

Transitions aren't easy, and it's interesting to see how much I craved it, especially when I cringe at the thought of change.

Yet, this new change for me will take time, and hopefully soon I'll be able to call Vanguard my home, rather than my college.