Self Development | The Heart Of It

I believe the most beautiful gift we can give ourselves is time. Time to heal, time to learn, time to grow, time to believe, time to trust, and time to discovery. Well, 2019 will be one for the books as it truly opened a new chapter in my life. It has been dedicated to self-development. That word holds so much significance, and rightfully so, but it works very slowly. I have found that self-development takes more time than anything in this world to unfold itself properly. Perhaps, we will never see it do so. It is part of being human. We always have room for improvement. Nevertheless, it is a fundamental concept that I must practice.

I know that right now society loves this concept as it encourages self-help books or teaching. But there is so much more to this practice than speaking little mantras to ourselves. 'I am brave,' 'I am enough,' or 'I can do this,' are sayings that help, yes, but I find them hard to believe. Well, at least enough to actually transform my life.

Self-discovery is challenging because it makes us step out of our comfort zone. Some days I crawl out of my turtle shell and crave more new experiences, then other times I happily stay bundled in my happy place of comfort. It's scary and needed all at the same time. To let walls come down or place new ones in a space we never wanted. It's very personal and looks different for everyone.

My early twenties have shown me something very significant that I'm sure will only become more so the older I become, which is to be okay with not being who I use to be. That transition into adulthood or post-college life is real, rough, and amazing. I find that a lot of time is spent asking questions like 'do I still enjoy this?' or 'will I be good at that?' These questions are the constant thread in my thought process daily as I explore different avenues in my career, friendships, and personal interests. It can be as simple as taking a bite of a seafood dish or entering a new career position.

Something I must say about self-development is that I find it to be a little bit of a taboo subject. Of course not in the positive good for you for taking up Zumba kind of way. It's more in those moments when you realize how ready you are to see more of the world, excited to leave behind your childhood hometown. When you've outgrown an old friend. When you suddenly stop saying yes to everything and put yourself first. It's when others say 'oh she has changed, she's no longer the same.' I say, well, isn't that the point? 

Aren't we supposed to evolve with the life experiences we are given? Time never allows us to stand still. So why should our interests, principals, or personality? One quote that I just love SO much says this; "stop shrinking yourself to fit into places you've outgrown." I love looking back on my life to see that fifteen-year-old girl, so confident and carefree, and still see those qualities shining brightly inside of the twenty-two-year-old I am today. Perhaps, now they are just a little bit more polished, matured, or developed. Who I was in high-school or even college is not the same version I am today. Thankfully, that is due to embracing self-development, which strives me to become a better version of who I was yesterday, last month, or four years ago. What a beautiful thing it is to be constantly discovering new things about myself. After all, that is when I learn the most about growth and grace.

30 Reasons To Be Grateful This November

Creating a gratitude list is something I've implemented more regularly into my life this year. I've truly seen the benefits of taking the time to focus on the good that surrounds me. Whenever I suffer from anxiety or a certain funk it can be hard to feel grateful sometimes. But, I find it's the only thing that pulls me out of my situation and provides a different perspective. Honestly, 2019 has turned out to be completely different than ever planned. Yet, every day my gratitude list grows because I chose to focus on the small things. Here are 30 reasons I can be full of gratitude this month.

1. // Being exposed to poetry during my last semester of college. And enjoying the process of writing my own pieces.
 2. // The well-being of my family.
3. // Going to Disneyland with my sister.
4. //  Changing of leaves so soon in Cali compared to last season.
5. // My pup, Lily, turned 10 years old this month.
6. // Gilmore Girls is still on netflix.
7. // My comfy space around me that makes me feel at peace.
8. // Everyday conversations I get to have with my mom.
9. // Chai tea with vanilla almond milk.
 10. // I'm glad that I was able to not only recognize my need to be off social media during this time but listening to my well-being, despite how hard it can be to not be apart of the daily happenings on Instagram.
11. // Twinkle lights.
12. // To be learning the concept of grace.
13. // Talk solely in movie references with my sister, Hannah.
14. // I gratuated with my Bachelor's degree.
15. // Christmas music by Frank Sinatra.

16. // For creativity in all mediums (paint, photography, and cross-stitching).
17. // Chocolate. Always.
18. // My new job in order entry.
19. // Leopard print is back in style.
21. // Found a new hobby, cross-stitching, that allows me to be creative and work with my hands.
22. // Being able to pray for anything.
23. // Homemade cooking.
24. // Laughter, because it makes me feel free.
25. // California beaches.
26. // My gold jewelry.
27. // Early cold mornings.
28. // I was able to be a bridesmaid for the second time for my best friend, Emily!
29. // My short haircut.
30. // This blog of mine. Throughout these seven years, it has served so many purposes for me. I love being able to express myself fully, along with meeting so many sweet readers in this blogosphere.

Sea Shore | Heart&Pen

I want to feel as though I grew 
I want to feel twenty-two 
I want to be surrounded by the ocean blue 
to let my body go and just be 
to feel strong and carefree 
I want to desperately fall in love with this water 
for it to change me somehow inside 
I want to feel alive 
but here I am sitting on the shore
with no desire to explore 

the ocean possesses a type of power that can take hold
of everything we love most 
it is capable of capturing the essence of life 
some may even call it the divine 
but everything that lives disappoints 
the water is powerful and oh so deep 
to ever escape all that live under the sea
down below is its own little kingdom that responds 
solely to their master regardless of the 
consequences that entangle all who enter 

so I stay on the sand where I can be my own master 
it is easy to dream but clearly my version would only produce disaster 

- Jenna Leigh Condon