Best Of 2019

hhhh! You guys, 2019 has almost come to an end. I just wanted to take a minute and reflect back on the blog, because it has morphed into many forms for me this year. It truly serves as my milestone and every emotion in between type of space. I have barely blogged this year, and yet I've managed to grow a lot on Bloglovin', bringing my readers to 416! So, thank you! I love seeing new faces around my site. But, with that being said, this post was easy to create due to only publishing 24 posts. Back in the day, I was pushing out triple that amount.

I believe 2019 served as my year for simplicity and quality over quantity. I truly look back on my posts and love what I wrote, how I laid out the content, and the photography style I tried. I hope you have too! :) Let's dive in, here are the top five most-read posts of the year, along with my top four new places I traveled to!!

                GRADUATING WITH MY                  BACHELORS DEGREE 

       FIVE WAYS I WANT TO 
       SWITCH UP MY STYLE 

FIVE THINGS UNIVERSITY

TAUGHT ME 

          PERFECTIONISM,           THE HEART OF IT

I'M FEELIN' 22

  

This year I wasn't heavy in travel, but I ventured back to some of my favorite places. To kick off the year my mom and I celebrated my graduation at the Mission Inn Hotel. It was so relaxing, and so needed after the stress of my capstone course. In July, all of my friends and I bought annual passes to Seaworld and that was a blast in the summertime. For my family vacation, we went back to Ventura Harbor, Santa Barbara, and Carpeteria (all the places I grew up). Oh to be back on the sand with a book in my hand. It's literally all I did, it was awesome. And towards the end of the summer, I went to Balboa Park for the first time ever in San Diego and it was beautiful. You can read all about it here.

Self Development | The Heart Of It

I believe the most beautiful gift we can give ourselves is time. Time to heal, time to learn, time to grow, time to believe, time to trust, and time to discovery. Well, 2019 will be one for the books as it truly opened a new chapter in my life. It has been dedicated to self-development. That word holds so much significance, and rightfully so, but it works very slowly. I have found that self-development takes more time than anything in this world to unfold itself properly. Perhaps, we will never see it do so. It is part of being human. We always have room for improvement. Nevertheless, it is a fundamental concept that I must practice.

I know that right now society loves this concept as it encourages self-help books or teaching. But there is so much more to this practice than speaking little mantras to ourselves. 'I am brave,' 'I am enough,' or 'I can do this,' are sayings that help, yes, but I find them hard to believe. Well, at least enough to actually transform my life.

Self-discovery is challenging because it makes us step out of our comfort zone. Some days I crawl out of my turtle shell and crave more new experiences, then other times I happily stay bundled in my happy place of comfort. It's scary and needed all at the same time. To let walls come down or place new ones in a space we never wanted. It's very personal and looks different for everyone.

My early twenties have shown me something very significant that I'm sure will only become more so the older I become, which is to be okay with not being who I use to be. That transition into adulthood or post-college life is real, rough, and amazing. I find that a lot of time is spent asking questions like 'do I still enjoy this?' or 'will I be good at that?' These questions are the constant thread in my thought process daily as I explore different avenues in my career, friendships, and personal interests. It can be as simple as taking a bite of a seafood dish or entering a new career position.

Something I must say about self-development is that I find it to be a little bit of a taboo subject. Of course not in the positive good for you for taking up Zumba kind of way. It's more in those moments when you realize how ready you are to see more of the world, excited to leave behind your childhood hometown. When you've outgrown an old friend. When you suddenly stop saying yes to everything and put yourself first. It's when others say 'oh she has changed, she's no longer the same.' I say, well, isn't that the point? 

Aren't we supposed to evolve with the life experiences we are given? Time never allows us to stand still. So why should our interests, principals, or personality? One quote that I just love SO much says this; "stop shrinking yourself to fit into places you've outgrown." I love looking back on my life to see that fifteen-year-old girl, so confident and carefree, and still see those qualities shining brightly inside of the twenty-two-year-old I am today. Perhaps, now they are just a little bit more polished, matured, or developed. Who I was in high-school or even college is not the same version I am today. Thankfully, that is due to embracing self-development, which strives me to become a better version of who I was yesterday, last month, or four years ago. What a beautiful thing it is to be constantly discovering new things about myself. After all, that is when I learn the most about growth and grace.

30 Reasons To Be Grateful This November

Creating a gratitude list is something I've implemented more regularly into my life this year. I've truly seen the benefits of taking the time to focus on the good that surrounds me. Whenever I suffer from anxiety or a certain funk it can be hard to feel grateful sometimes. But, I find it's the only thing that pulls me out of my situation and provides a different perspective. Honestly, 2019 has turned out to be completely different than ever planned. Yet, every day my gratitude list grows because I chose to focus on the small things. Here are 30 reasons I can be full of gratitude this month.

1. // Being exposed to poetry during my last semester of college. And enjoying the process of writing my own pieces.
 2. // The well-being of my family.
3. // Going to Disneyland with my sister.
4. //  Changing of leaves so soon in Cali compared to last season.
5. // My pup, Lily, turned 10 years old this month.
6. // Gilmore Girls is still on netflix.
7. // My comfy space around me that makes me feel at peace.
8. // Everyday conversations I get to have with my mom.
9. // Chai tea with vanilla almond milk.
 10. // I'm glad that I was able to not only recognize my need to be off social media during this time but listening to my well-being, despite how hard it can be to not be apart of the daily happenings on Instagram.
11. // Twinkle lights.
12. // To be learning the concept of grace.
13. // Talk solely in movie references with my sister, Hannah.
14. // I gratuated with my Bachelor's degree.
15. // Christmas music by Frank Sinatra.

16. // For creativity in all mediums (paint, photography, and cross-stitching).
17. // Chocolate. Always.
18. // My new job in order entry.
19. // Leopard print is back in style.
21. // Found a new hobby, cross-stitching, that allows me to be creative and work with my hands.
22. // Being able to pray for anything.
23. // Homemade cooking.
24. // Laughter, because it makes me feel free.
25. // California beaches.
26. // My gold jewelry.
27. // Early cold mornings.
28. // I was able to be a bridesmaid for the second time for my best friend, Emily!
29. // My short haircut.
30. // This blog of mine. Throughout these seven years, it has served so many purposes for me. I love being able to express myself fully, along with meeting so many sweet readers in this blogosphere.

Sea Shore | Heart&Pen

I want to feel as though I grew 
I want to feel twenty-two 
I want to be surrounded by the ocean blue 
to let my body go and just be 
to feel strong and carefree 
I want to desperately fall in love with this water 
for it to change me somehow inside 
I want to feel alive 
but here I am sitting on the shore
with no desire to explore 

the ocean possesses a type of power that can take hold
of everything we love most 
it is capable of capturing the essence of life 
some may even call it the divine 
but everything that lives disappoints 
the water is powerful and oh so deep 
to ever escape all that live under the sea
down below is its own little kingdom that responds 
solely to their master regardless of the 
consequences that entangle all who enter 

so I stay on the sand where I can be my own master 
it is easy to dream but clearly my version would only produce disaster 

- Jenna Leigh Condon 

Three New Things | October

Long-time no talk, eh? Well, I am coming at you with a few reasons as to why that has been such a hard habit to break lately. I absolutely love reading blogs, but when it comes to creating my own posts, man is it hard. But, I have been trying to create something different here that I can actually obtain realistically. Those outfit styled photoshoots or how-to posts are probably long gone. So, hopefully, you are down for less styled content and more journal-type entries that speak solely on matters of the heart. Okay, my rant is over. Onto some updates for the month of October...

I cut my hair short. Okay, so back in March I had my routinely scheduled haircut appointment, but barely had a trim so in my graduation photos I would have long hair. Well, I never followed up in the summer-time, so here I am with super long hair (probably the longest I've ever had) and very unhealthy. It was so thin and damaged. I knew it needed at least 3 inches cut off. Well, it was more like 5 inches once I sat in that chair. It hasn't been this short since senior year of high school (any OG readers remember that?) I have to say I love it so much! Now I just need to learn new ways to style it, haha.

Already 26 days into my social media break. That's right, your girl deleted her Instagram and Facebook apps on her iPhone. I honestly was so tired of being bogged down by the weight of it all. My mental health has been a lot this summer, and social media was not helping at all. You know it's time to say goodbye for a while when it leaves you feeling tainted. I don't know when I'll pop back on, but for now, I'm just enjoying the silence.

Goodbye retail, hello order entry! Ahhh, you guys this is such exciting news for me. I quit my job in retail and took a full-time position as an order entry specialist. Working retail taught me so much (like can we just put those jeans back on the correct shelf, or say hello back to your cashier?) but I began feeling so irritated by every little thing. You know it is time to leave your job when it no longer challenges you to become a better version of yourself. Bottom line, it is not where my passion lies. So, it has been one week since I started my new position, and I love it so much already. A professional environment is just completely my vibe. I enjoy wearing blazers and high heels to work. Working at a desk just makes me so happy. I think I am really going to love this change.

5 Things University Taught Me

oday, your University graduate is finally taking some time to go down memory lane and reflect on some of the hardest and most exciting times from these past four years. My college experience felt like a long road, compared to high school. I chose the community college path before fulfilling my dream of university life, which didn't meet the hype of my expectations as I envisioned. And that brought me to finish my Bachelor's degree online at California Baptist University. Every step has strengthened me in so many ways, I'll never regret the decisions that were made along the way.

I have talked a lot about my college experience on the blog, but they only reflect the mindset and lifestyle of my freshman and sophomore years. So, below are the most significant life lessons university taught me, which just happens to have taken place during my upperclassman years.

1. Criticism is the foundation of growth // Typing out that sentence gives me the chills. Mostly, because criticism is what I fear most. It was a lesson that tested me in my journalism course at Vanguard. The class size was no more than eight, but every few weeks when our articles were due, we would gather around in a large circle and share our documents with everyone on google docs to make comments in one space. These comments were given verbally, face-to-face, so hiding behind our laptop screens weren't an option. Whenever it became my turn for my article to be edited, I just wanted to crawl under the table. Talk about an immediate way to make my stomach drop, especially around writers that I admired and wish I could imitate in my own writing.

I believe, that in high school we are so encouraged to just tackle assignments that we walk away receiving too many 'gold stars' just for the sake of completion. Please, do not let me fool you into believing that I would enjoy less 'gold stars' but at times I entered certain courses with the mindset of "I've always been an A student for my essays." This, in turn, would completely shatter my spirit and enthusiasm if I ever received anything less.

So, it was during these moments, hearing from my classmates about how my article needed to be improved or even praised, I gained an appreciation for criticism. It has made me a stronger writer. After all, I am not choosing to pay such a high tuition rate to hear how amazing my writing is by my professors.

2. You are more capable than you realize // I absolutely loved being in college, because it brought out my extremely motivated side. I enjoyed the hustle of assignments, proving myself to new professors, brainstorming with classmates, and ultimately staying on track with my goals to graduate. But, at times, it wasn't always that simple. I had so many highs and lows, mentally and physically. I worked so hard to succeed, that I faced so much conflict like never before, but I stood my ground. My list could go on and on with moments that I spent too much time worrying about, but at the end of the day, I did it. Through the mess and through the joys, I did it. Girl, give yourself more credit next time.

3. Self-care for me does not involve Netflix // Most valuable piece of information I discovered about myself in college, is that Netflix is not self-care. Rather, it is an escape mechanism that leads to more problems than needed. Self-care is not about giving in to guilty pleasures. It is replenishing parts of myself that become drained at the end of the week. Here is what I do now; practice inward gratitude by keeping a journal, write poetry, treat myself to a mani/pedi, stay on top of my skincare routine, honor the boundaries that I put in place for those around me, say yes to more experiences, and take a bath. 

4. Dorm life wasn't everything, and that is okay // My first and only year living in the dorms taught me that I didn't need my own space to learn true independence. Deep down, I knew this all along. I let the ideals of a college experience could my ability to know who I truly am. Despite all the ups and downs of living in the dorms, it was needed to show me that, perhaps, true independence is realizing that it will only blossom when we are staying true to ourselves. Even though all the pressure, I had to overcome, I've finally accepted that the dorm life didn't have to be my holy grail when it came to my overall college experience.

5. Writing or analyzing poetry inspires me // Thanks to my British Poetry course, I now find so much joy in not only understanding the realm of poetry but actually writing it myself. I love it so much that I just decided to share a few on the blog now, so be sure to look out for future little poems that represent my heart at all times.

Butterfly Fly Away | Heart&Pen

Patterns of rhythm or a life of perfection are what I long to keep 
I have been this way all my life 
I use to believe it was a virtue to strive for excellence 
but now I see you come along 
the sky so blue 
catching the wind as it comes through 
a pure vision of transformation 
able to come and go whenever you please
all while my mind stays consumed
with the opinions and expectations that surround me 
so I look to you 
the one who flutters with such freedom 
perhaps one day I too will master the ability to 
stretch out my wings so boldly like you do 

- Jenna Leigh Condon 

Perfectionism | The Heart Of It

erfectionism is a funny thing. Desperately do we seek such an unobtainable personality trait, and then fall apart wondering if it is because we aren't doing enough. A performer through and through am I, but many times do I find myself trapped in a perfectionist mindset. Why? Because I do not want others to see me as weak. I would rather drop due to exhaustion rather than defeat, so I keep going to produce. Productivity can come in many forms, just as long as they are perfect enough to meet a standard. We all have that one area in our life that must appear perfect (or for some, all areas). Personally, I see this shine through with my longing to obtain perfect grades, beautifully captured photographs, an organized calendar, and goals to tackle. I believed (and sometimes still do) that these things would make me feel strong. They would bring me power. I would appear capable.

Isn't that the definition of perfectionism?...the ability to appear put together in order for others to believe that we are more capable than originally perceived. That, however, is my take on this concept. Well, I am tired of proving myself. I shouldn't have to achieve anything on a scale of perfection in order for it to count.

To kick off my summer in May after I graduated, I spent a few days away at The Mission Inn Hotel with my mom to finally feel free of deadlines and anxiety. For the first time since I began blogging back in 2012, I left my DSLR camera at home. I didn't want to be bothered with finding the perfect lighting or worry if it'll fit in my bag. Every corner of that hotel deserved to have its photograph taken, and I often wished I brought my camera along. After all, an iPhone can only do so much. But, it was during these moments that I learned to be more present.

To be present is a new discovery for me. It means leaving behind all that I care about; chasing after all, that appears and feels the most perfect I can make it. Resting in any capacity takes great contentment, which is the opposite of perfectionism. Reading by the pool felt more calming than ever before. Why? Because I realized how much my body use to had to function in order to be a high-capacity type of person. I never let my mind rest or my shoulders drop. Instead, I filled my body with tension and thoughts that turned into anxiety. Being present is more about caring about the simple things; bare face of makeup, tea in a childhood mug, or taking the time to journal.

Perfectionism has us believe that "if I look perfect if I work perfectly if I act perfect and do everything perfectly" it will exempt us from the feelings we hide from; judgment or shame. After all, isn't that why I feel a need to display such perfectionism? If my life looks put together than I can escape all disappoint or opinions from others, and instead only feed off of their praise. I cannot be naive and believe that this type of mindset could ever be cured, but there are ways I am going to stop falling into the trap.

Trying to keep up this image only creates exhaustion, fear, and keeping people at arm's length. Being perfect is just not real. I've found that my intention was to be able to "fit in" but in the end, it only makes me less relatable to the world around me. No one is able to have a connection that is built on trust and compassion if perfectionism is the foundation. We must allow for some cracks to bleed through if we ever wish to make an impact on someone's life, or simply our own. I challenge you (and myself) to stop being so busy trying to be perfect, but more present.

Summer Day Trip To Balboa Park In San Diego

his post is long overdue, as these photos are a few weeks old now. But, this was such a special day for my best friend and I. Being a Cali girl my whole life I had to venture into Balboa Park, and it did not disappoint. From the buildings, gardens, and art in every nook and cranny, this space is a true treasure in San Diego. We were able to have free entrance access to a few museums, which is something I would love to do more of in the future. Emily treated me to a beautiful lunch at Prado Restaurant and thankfully their lemonade spritzer cooled us down from that 95-degree heat.

On a completely separate note, I have to admit that I feel out of practice writing on the blog. I suppose that is because ever since college I all focused on was typing out my feelings. Regardless, this space is to hold special memories and thoughts. I believe these photos capture that perfectly. I have SO much to update, but for now, these photographs will have to do the talking for me. 

How To Be Okay With Where You Are Right Now

et's be honest for a second, okay? Being content or staying present (whatever you want to call it) has never been my strong point. I enjoy the process of daydreaming and then immediately tackling them to produce productivity. Thinking about the future is what is constantly on my mind. I always push myself to achieve new goals. But, sometimes fear or a particular funk can slow me down, which brings me to writing this post.

Wherever you may find yourself, whether it is transitioning into a new career, a break-up, moving cities, or dealing with post-grad life (like me) all of these spaces create some weird feelings that typically get pushed aside or consume our every thought and action. Personally, my two-month-long summer needs to fade and be replaced with the somber realities that grace periods on my student loans are soon to lift, tests have to be passed, observation hours in a classroom is a must, and the process of applying for a credential program will be due in the fall.

This season comes with a lot of emotions on my end to make things happen, but in the same breath, it doesn't seem like a big change. It is the in-between-phase that seems to be the hardest, doesn't it? So, how can I be okay with where I am, when I desperately desire a change, or to enter into a different season? Here are a few things I'm doing to practice contentment with a subtle reminder to get moving!

 1. realize it is temporary // Everything we go through has a season. Some we wish would pass faster than others, but time is really the only factor in some spaces we grow through. In my transition of change, I constantly have to remind myself it is temporary. It won't always be like this, as long as I work towards my goals. A phrase that I have held onto this summer is "just keep swimming." 2. feel grateful // This may be the most difficult to practice. Honestly, it can be so simple to achieve, we just have to want to feel this way. In a season of change or a lack of it may produce low moods. It is easier to sulk and feel sad than to keep a positive attitude (at least for me). Keep a journal, surround yourself with positive people, or spend a few minutes in a place that warms your soul every day. I love it when I can bring myself out of a funk when I realize that my situation is far less important than someone else's battles. 3. stay present // As you can tell from this post, being present is a challenge for me. I have always believed that I must keep going and doing in order to perform, to look busy or successful. But, during this time it is okay to say that life is slow. I do not have to have a life announcement every week. I can enjoy each day, no matter how boring they may be. Besides, I will wish one day that I would have relaxed in my determination once I am in the thick of school.

Solo Trip To Carlsbad

few weeks ago, I spent the day down in Carlsbad for some much-needed vitamin D. It was right before our heat wave came, so it was a beautiful 75 degrees out. My version of the beach includes a light sweater to pair with my jeans, sunglasses to block out the glimpse of sunshine shining through the fog, and ice cold ocean water to wash off my sandy feet. Well, it was a little warmer than my ideal, but it was lovely just the same. I don't know about you...but I honestly hate going places alone. I have never really opened up about it before, but part of my anxiety revolves around this concept. Running certain errands are easy, but I am not the type to go shopping without a friend. You'll never find me at a restaurant or movie theatre by myself. This day was different though.

Something inside of me was longing for isolation. A time to just sit with my thoughts and write them down. Trying to escape certain emotions for too long is just not healthy and it was catching up with me. Ironically, I traveled to the ocean for some inspiration and clarity.

The whole day went along so smoothly. I am still on my no-sugar challenge, so for lunch, I treated myself to an acai bowl at my favorite place, Nekter. It became my obsession in college, and I suddenly was reminded why. Rich whole foods help my body (and mind) so much! Afterward, I hooked up my GPS to the nearest Pressed Juicery Freeze, which ended up being apart of the coolest outlet mall. So, I had to stop in Anthropologie, my favorite store ever. I always thought that the closest one was in La Jolla, so I was excited to discover one in Carlsbad. Anyways, Pressed is known for their cleansing juices, but I love them for their vegan ice cream. It was incredible. Plus, because it is all natural sugar, I was able to enjoy it on my no-sugar challenge. Just another reason to thank Orange County during my college days!

1. // You are much braver than you realize.

2. // Never allow your productivity to measure your sense of worth.

3. // Being messy is a form of beauty.

4. // Despite the past, the ocean is a place that makes you feel free.

5. // Always write, even when it's hard.