The Heart Of It | Voices In My Head A.K.A. Lies


I've posted a coffee talk similar to this one, titled "Self Doubt," however I want to take the basic idea, and expand. A lot of this is obviously self doubt, but I want this doubt to be viewed in a different light, and hopefully it will impact some of you, in a whole new way. I need to post this for myself, through the healing process of this stage of life that I am going through, and the choices that I have to make during these situations.Thanks for understanding, and for reading! 

Some voices that run through my mind are crippling. They become a constant echo that never fades. I feel like they're screaming at me, trying to wake me, or to drive me insane. They control my every move, every emotion, and every word. They make me want to curl up in a ball in the corner of my bedroom, sway back and forth, whispering to myself that everything will be alright. They're mean, ruthless, and depressing. At times, they can suck the life out of me, leaving my confidence weak. They attack my every being, whispering lies and when given time, become truths.

These voices tell me:

You're too emotional. You're an introvert. You learn too slow. You're a failure. You are a negative nelly. Stop acting so fake. You're unpopular. You're a dreamer not a doer. You are a copycat. You're stubborn. You are a scaredy cat. You're boring. You're unoriginal. You're very stuck up. You are never going to be smart enough. You're antisocial. You're lazy. You are unfriendly. You're too mean at times. You're a wishful thinker. You are helpless. You're style is too plain jane. You're selfish. You are crazy. You're rude. You're a nobody. You're not talented...and the list continues!

I've been doing a lot of reading lately in my English class, and therefore it's produced a lot of thinking about our society and the things we as individuals have to deal with everyday of our lives. One topic that's really spoke to me personally, is how many lies we actually believe. That's what these voices are, lies! For many, these lies come from friends, school, clubs, family members, media, celebrities, etc. No matter where they come from, or who feeds them to us, they are effective and alive. For myself personal, the media is my strongest asset to these lies. The media suggests that I should change my style because it's not "trendy" or "in" this season, that I'm not considered smart if I don't chose the University path, or that all my ideas are unoriginal because some magazine already covered that same topic/issue. My society tells me that I'm a slow learner and a failure because I don't have my liscence yet. TV shows point out that us girls are too emotional, crazy, and ditzy. Culture says that us introverts are antisocial, weird around large groups, too quiet, and useless to the community.

It's true, I find myself believing these lies more often than I tend to realize. Whoever came up with the statement that "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," obviously never lived a day in society. Words are real. Words can cause more damage than actions themselves. Words act as a weapon, and they have the power to cut deep, create wounds, and produce bleeding. It's embarrassing to admit that I believe these lies, because I acknowledge every fault, yet I still manage to fall into this trap...letting these voices rumble around inside my mind.

I believe the reason so many people feel ashamed about openly admitting to their own voices, is because our society has done an excellent job at telling us that we are these lies. We are XYZ. It's time that these voices escaped. Call them out. Write them down on a piece of paper, open your laptop document page, run to your diary, or verbally call them out. Spill it all out. Every feeling, every fault, every lie. Combat them with the truth. Replace them with your excellent traits. Write down the qualities that God has blessed you with.

We always manage to talk about our problems, fears, issues, and so forth. However, never about our praises, blessings, or good news. We always acknowledge all of our faults, and try to fix them. Never acknowledging our talents, or strengths. Instead of focusing on our daily struggles, let's applaud our character traits. As women, we give excellent complements. We can give a compliment to anything our eyes look at "I love those ripped jeans, I've always wanted a pair like those," "omg you look great with short hair" "you definitely know how to rock glitter," "wow you paint your nails like every week, and it always matches your outfit," "your eyebrows are so perfect, is that a weird?" It's an opening statement to begin a conversation with someone we've never met. A compliment allows the conversation to take off, opening up other questions to ask, and get to know someone. Not only do women know exactly what compliment to give, but we love receiving them. When we buy a new outfit, or change our hairstyle, we automatically expect a compliment. How often is it when a women compliments another woman's character?  Why does it always have to be about appearance? If women started to address other's virtues, I believe it would impact our world, like no other.

 Psalms 139:14 states it perfectly "I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well." We are precious women of God, and no lie can ever take that away from us. So kick those lies to the curb, make them visible to the light, and let them escape. You are much more, and deserve more than those lies. Don't just write out your inner voices, or simply tell yourself the truths. Rather believe them. Write the truths on your mirror, notecards, on the side of your day planner, on the back of your door, beside your bed, make it your iPhone wallpaper...anything you have to do, to remind yourself of these truths, because just like your lies given time, you will believe them.



ocial media can be a wonderful tool. It allows us to communicate with loved ones who live far away, see someone's adventures through photos, and update other people on our own lives. Social media can be addicting in a very dangerous way. I mean what's the first thing we do when we wake up? - reach for our phones - checking all notifications. Go watch YouTube morning/night routines, does one girl ever not mention social media or without the usage of their phone? - no, because it's all we think about. It can quickly become a dangerous tool in many others ways in our lives other than it just being an addiction or habit.

I love social media. I'm able to catch with my girlfriend who's out of state, share photos of my life, and stay updated with my favorite family members. However, I can pick apart social media in a second. I see the destruction it's done for so many girls, including myself. In my generation the first social media I signed up with was Facebook because it was the "popular" thing to do. Within my first year of creating and updating my "cool" profile and page, I deleted my account because of hurtful situations that occurred that year. I remember (before I deleted it) when I'd see certain photos, or certain people would pop up on my screen, it made me so upset I would throw my phone so hard across the room. I couldn't take the never ending comments that read "your so beautiful," "model status," "ahh just stop it," "no you're the gorgeous one darling," and they just kept appearing everywhere. Could any girl change their profile without receiving these comments? I believe it still is like this today just not as bad, but back when I had it everyone viewed your profile by how many friends you had. If you didn't pass 200 you didn't pass the "popular test."

Then came Instagram, the most powerful source of publishing any type of photo! It's my favorite social media app (ironically). But it's one of the most hardest to deal with. Social media is famous for making a girl feel unpopular, unlikable, ugly, and less important. Self esteem and self worth is something that I've had to work on for a long time, and I still don't believe I've perfected it, and I don't believe I ever will. Receiving 40-45 likes per photo isn't all that great, compared to some who get over 100 on a stupid shoe picture. After scrolling through my feed this week, I've realized my weakness - not content with my amount of "likes, and comments." I had to step back and take some time figuring it all out. I had to clear my head, and focus on the problem. I didn't want to ignore it this time, and make the same mistake I did with Facebook. I didn't want it to come to the same conclusion like last time (delete it). I was determined to solve and fix this uncontentment. Here's how my process went as I wrote out my list.

1.  Social Media promotes popularity through the "like" button - Like I've said above, that like button is powerful! It can make someone feel loved, or forgotten. People will scroll through their likes and remember those do didn't like the pic or those who did. That one name can bring much hurt or happiness when it comes to one simple "like." All of the sudden it makes you start to question your friends modive.

2. Brings on doubt - Then you go into doubt phase. You begin to doubt who your true friends are. You begin to doubt the photo you posted. All this unwanted doubt just takes over and ruins everything. It makes you doubt how pretty you are, the outfit you wore, the emoji's you used in the description box, and the list goes on!

3. Why do I keep Instagram? - Because I really do love documenting my life, and seeing my friends! I have my blog account, and I love editing photos. Emjoi's rock! 

Once I narrowed in on all these feelings I knew it had to deal with something even more deep - the amount of likes doesn't define who I am. It doesn't matter if I get 20-75. That's not the reason why I share photos anyways. I share them because I love going back and seeing my previous life moments. I love editing photos, changing the effects, adding text, and adding stickers. Emjoi's are so awesome in a description as well as hashtags! So if you too only focus on the amount of likes then please join me, by taking time to write down your thoughts on why and the process it takes to get to this point. I encourage you to look at your profile, or social media in a different way. Number 1 and 2 (in my list above) describe my confusion, problem and hurt. However, number 3 gave me a completely new outlook to my problem, helping me to adjust my mindset. Social media doesn't have to be a destruction tool in your life, rather us it to enhance your life! "If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you."



have to admit, I've become one of those office supply junkies! Anything covered in gold glitter, or mini items with polka dots on them, you can bet I own them. This school year I ditched the binders and decided to change my system and create more of a filing system, like an office. Folders, clothes pins, paper clips, and mini staplers, are now apart of my school supplies! However, I realize not everyone is in school, therefore I've created a list that everyone should keep beside their laptop for their office/desk. Let's dive in!

1. Portable Phone Charger: I bought one specifically for my trip to Oahu last summer, and it's so handy! I love having it to throw in my purse so it's with me everywhere I go. It's great to keep with you either at class, or your desk.

2. Snacks: If you work in an office, this one is a must! My first week of starting my first official part time office job, I didn't have any food, or physical items that I use daily, and it was a challenge. When your staring at a computer screen for hours on end, you start feeling sluggish and it becomes hard to stay focused. I love to keep almonds, peanuts, beef jerky, gluten free cinnamon and honey crackers, and popcorn by my side at all times, because I tend to get light headed if I don't eat! Bad, I know. Oh and don't forget about that bottled water too, it really does help!

3. Day Planner: Ah, this thing goes everywhere I do! I never know who may have a question about my schedule, and I will babysit on the side, so I always need to know my week that's ahead of me. This is great to have as well, in case your boss asks you to take on more hours than what's expected for the week!

4. Playlist: I know, this tip isn't physical, but it sure lifts my spirits and therefore is an essential. My first week of starting my work I was so bored, and felt tired quickly. Once I added music into my routine for logging into the computer, I was set to go!

5. Gum: Never know when your gonna need a breath refresher after lunch, or for a meeting! And...not gonna lie I can finish a pack in a week!

6. Notepad: This one is a given, but I like to keep inspirational and cute notebooks around to jot down any thoughts I have during the day when I'm at the office. It keeps my life more organized, and honestly it makes my space look adorable!

7. Wallpaper: Yep, a cute desktop wallpaper background puts a smile to my face overtime I sit down and log in! Seems silly, but an inspiration quote seems to do the trick, and it's a great reminder for the rest of my day!

8. Hair Ties: I love to keep the decorated one's from Forever 21 in my desk, because they won't hurt your head and cause a headache! Plus bobby pins are great to keep, because I can go from beauty waves to an elegant up-do in a snap.

9. Eyeshadow Primer: Ever wear any glittery shadows, or smokey eye makeup looks? Well, you probably know what it's like to have your eyeshadow crease, or when it needs to be retouched. I've found that primer does the job, by simply using a tad on your ring finger and it instantly removes the harsh lines.

10. Flats/Heels: Depending on your style at work, but after a long day heels can be very uncomfortable. To make the day a little more bearable, throw on some flats and you'll be set!


2.03.2016 O‘ahu, Hawaii, USA

                     A GUIDE TO OAHU, HAWAII 

Here you have it, a long overdue guide to Oahu! Hawaii is a true gem, and I'm lucky enough to have been twice in the past few years. Oahu happened to be my second trip, and I loved how this vacay was filled to the brim with activities and places to explore. Unfortunately I cannot recommend any restaurants I enjoyed, nor can I remember any for that matter. Minus the good eats, I have plenty of local spots to share that is a must-see if you're planning a future trip!

                                  BEACH FRONT 

For this trip I tagged along with my friend Emily and her family on their summer vacation, so because we had a larger party, we voted for a condo/house and ditched the hotel or resort idea. The beach house was perfect and made my stay extremely "homey." The best feature about this house, is that is comes with a private beach, and separate balcony from the house! The ocean was so beautiful and clear, perfect for someone who isn't particularly a fan of the water (like me). The house comes with everything a hotel normally would, so towels, sheets, blankets, fans, etc. The kitchen table seats over ten people, and the kitchen is a perfect size for many to participate in the cooking - bonus! When I was swimming in our private ocean, some locals were visiting their home along the shore, and kept asking how we found out about this particular spot, because it's truly a gem of the island that most locals don't even know about! Definitely recommend something like this, because the experience of living in a house for one week, truly captures the lifestyle of the locals much more than any hotel, or more-American resort!

                    DOLE PINEAPPLE PLANTATION 

If your a realy pineapple lover like me, than this dole plantation can be super fun! Now, head's up I found it all to be a little corny (gift shop) and not a lot to do, but it was fun to take some photos, and sip on a homemade pineapple/dole whip smoothie! I think if you have little one's of your own, this place is perfect because you can take a 20 minute train trip and view the plantation and then head back and explore the maze!


This was a dream come true! By far the best decision I ever made, because nothing beats this experience, and do you see the view? Unlike Sea World in San Diego, Sea Life Park offered an atmosphere that felt less like a tank but more like swimming with dolphins in their natural habitat. The trainers were wonderful and made me feel so at ease! You can read more about my experience here, but I definitely recommend Sea Life Park to everyone - even if you decide against swimming with the dolphins because they offer so much more to see and do, such as shark encounters, sea turtles, sea lions, and Pink's to grab a hotdog and pink lemonade if it's a warm day!

                      CATAMARAN BOAT RIDE 

Even if you're a scaredy cat like me, this adventure on the open sea is just for you!! It truly captured the beauty of Waikiki beach and the view of the skyscrapers. If your live in LA this view is typical and therefore isn't too special, however the underwater life in the ocean is. The feature of this boat ride is being able to jump off and snorkel. I'm afraid of the ocean, and heights so I ended up being the last one in the water, but it was worth the risk. The fish I was able to see were so incredible, and the colors were so vibrant. They swam so close to my body I could literally touch them all. The local spot they take you to is commonly known as the "turtle location" because it's where all the sea turtles hang out and eat. Luckily, I was able to see more than five sea turtles underwater, and they were so green and beautiful! Ah, writing about this makes me feel like I'm holding my breath, wearing my oversized goggles, while floating on top of the water, and looking down only to find the most exquisite underwater creatures!

                                       BLOW HOLE 

If you're visiting Sea Park for the day, drive down the road about a mile longer and you'll find this look out spot of this famous blow hole. This view is so beautiful and honestly my photos do not do it justice! It's extremely windy, so prepare yourself when you take photos or video. Your hair will be crazy, and you may feel a strong mist from the water below, but this spot is the perfect Oahu view!
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