The Heart Of It | University Envy

ow that summer has ended, and college has begun it's brought back up emotions that I honestly thought faded, or matured, yet clearly I cannot shake. My embarrassed feelings stem from my envious point of view of the university lifestyle. Yep, it's true. It's a hard thing to swallow for me, because a. I am envious b. I chose not to go for the next two years and lastly c. that I have to overcome this jealousy. It's that time again when all my friends leave for the semester, post photos of their dorm room, get connected within their club groups, rave about morning chapel, and express their love for their enrolled classes. Instagram has a very appealing vibe to just one photo that captures one highlight of the week, I know this, yet it doesn't make it any easier as I wish I could be there right along side them during this time of college.

Let me rewind and explain my educational path as I have never opened up about it here on the blog before. I chose community college for the first two years of college to complete my GE as a way to be debt free! I don't regret this decision, yet I sometimes find it stimulating. My life has not changed in the way of what my days look like or how I perform my weekly routines. My high school years feel meshed into my college ones. How? Because my life has not changed dramatically. I still attend the same church, see the same family friends, live at home with my parents, enjoy the comforts of my own bedroom, and run errands around my childhood town. Now, I confess how badly I'd love to experience change, mostly because I don't feel too much of it in my life like I stated above, but that doesn't mean that my life is boring, or incomplete.

I'm envious of the university lifestyle because I want to see myself surrounded by such a godly and moral community. An atmosphere that is based on the love of God. Professors that act as mentors in their students life. A place where my peers want to be and thrive in their academics. Experience the dorm room life and decorate it to my taste. Meet new friends. Grow as a person.

You may be thinking, how can I pour my heart out like this for all to see/read? Am I too vulnerable? Perhaps. Yet I view this post as a learning process of my emotions right now. I honestly see God providing, blessing, and directing me during this time - in ways that I need to be shaped. Through this ugly green monster of envy, I am learning the value of contentment, joy, and growth. I firmly believe that no matter the outcome, no decision ever equals up to regret, because the choice of community college has made me stronger. The Lord is truly blessing me for seeking his path, and not straying away sooner than his plan. This semester the Lord provided me with two Christian professors who teach at my dream University, and a math professor who helps me tremendously! Everything I've been praying for, has come to be. For that, I know that right now University life will have to wait, because my time has not yet come. When it does I know it will be beautiful, and life changing. Until then, I must grow where I am planted!