have found that I love attending weddings. They truly are my favorite, and being a bridesmaid is probably what I'll live for in college haha. I love being able to be apart of the whole journey, and watch the couple fall in love with each other through their dating stages. Everything romance will get me every time, it's just a fact because that's who I am, and honestly I'm fine with that.Even with that being said, it's times like those when I hear about amazing love stories, watch it happen in public, see my friends eyes light up, or when they walk down the isle that I'm reminded that I don't have that in my life yet. I'm a 20 year old college girl who has never had a boyfriend. Flings and crushes yes, but that's not the same because I never called them mine. The feelings of being single are one's that pop up every now and then, mostly because truthfully I am secure in myself. I recognize that a relationship won't cure anything. I don't need a boyfriend to be happy.
Yet, I still deal with an environment around me that doesn't feel the same. So naturally I have to explain my reasons for not seeming interested to find someone. Then comes the judgement, accusations, and miscommunication when dating has becomes the conversation topic among my friends and society in general. In our culture today is it really hard to believe that a commitment isn't something every girl is ready for? Well, in case you're like me who is still single and tired of explaining her self than keep reading below. Here are some stereotypes that our society seems to get wrong every single time.
1. Too high of standards.
Oh boy does this one hurt me the most. Ever heard your list or standards are too ideal and not reality? How can any man score a perfect 10? True. However, I am not ashamed of my "list." Because without one I wouldn't have any direction in the type of guy I need, want, and would like to pursue. I keep a list of standards, not because looks are the most important but as a reminder to chose someone with the right characteristic traits. I am not single because I want the most attractive guy around who sings and drives a hot car. I am single because my list of standards allows me to wait and search for the right one, the one I know the Lord will point me to.
Oh boy does this one hurt me the most. Ever heard your list or standards are too ideal and not reality? How can any man score a perfect 10? True. However, I am not ashamed of my "list." Because without one I wouldn't have any direction in the type of guy I need, want, and would like to pursue. I keep a list of standards, not because looks are the most important but as a reminder to chose someone with the right characteristic traits. I am not single because I want the most attractive guy around who sings and drives a hot car. I am single because my list of standards allows me to wait and search for the right one, the one I know the Lord will point me to.
2. Too picky.
This goes along with the high standards concept, but let me state once again...looks aren't everything contrary to belief. Perhaps there are many people out there who are picky, but is that suppose to be a fault? It's better than being desperate.
This goes along with the high standards concept, but let me state once again...looks aren't everything contrary to belief. Perhaps there are many people out there who are picky, but is that suppose to be a fault? It's better than being desperate.
3. No experience = no knowledge.
This is probably the biggest lie out there. Singleness isn't because someone doesn't have a past full of lessons and know how's, but rather a choice. Experience in past relationships won't help anyone catch another love interest. You don't have to have been with someone to know what your looking for in that ideal relationship material.
This is probably the biggest lie out there. Singleness isn't because someone doesn't have a past full of lessons and know how's, but rather a choice. Experience in past relationships won't help anyone catch another love interest. You don't have to have been with someone to know what your looking for in that ideal relationship material.
4. Wrong priorities.
Just because your single doesn't mean your selfish, a workaholic, or too crazy with your girlfriends on a Friday night. It means that you have a life, with priorities that are important and essential for yourself. Perhaps a commitment isn't something one can handle, and therefore aren't ready to be there for another person in a relationship.
Just because your single doesn't mean your selfish, a workaholic, or too crazy with your girlfriends on a Friday night. It means that you have a life, with priorities that are important and essential for yourself. Perhaps a commitment isn't something one can handle, and therefore aren't ready to be there for another person in a relationship.
5. Such a planner.
Boy to people laugh when I tell them my plan in my early twenties. They give me that smirk, tilt their head, raise the eyebrow, and remind me that God can change my plans within seconds. Yes, I realize that. But, that doesn't mean a girl can dream right? What's so harmful about already pinning wedding ideas to my Pinterest board, or thinking of future little girl names, or knowing I don't plan on getting married in college. I'd rather make plans and have goals than never know what I'm looking, waiting, or striving for in the future.
Boy to people laugh when I tell them my plan in my early twenties. They give me that smirk, tilt their head, raise the eyebrow, and remind me that God can change my plans within seconds. Yes, I realize that. But, that doesn't mean a girl can dream right? What's so harmful about already pinning wedding ideas to my Pinterest board, or thinking of future little girl names, or knowing I don't plan on getting married in college. I'd rather make plans and have goals than never know what I'm looking, waiting, or striving for in the future.
There are definitely some stereotypes with being single, and I think you nailed them on the head!
ReplyDeleteKeep high standards, it's important to know what you want and don't want in a person; but those should also be more character issues than anything else.
It's really funny - I used to have a "list" and then I threw that sucker out and just prayed for character - but now that I AM married (much later than I thought i would be btw) I kind of silently thank the Lord that some of the traits I wanted (a hunter, wood worker, etc) were hobbies my husband loves to do!
Also, nothing wrong with planning my friend!
I would just tell you to plan for the next big thing (school, adventures, etc), God can totally change a lot, as you said, so sometimes it's best to just have "fluid plans" instead of concrete ones.
Love this list lady!
Yes Amy - plan for the next big thing!! You read my goal, haha. This is the wonderful gift we are able to experience through being single. Plan and enjoy the life and time the Lord has called us to! Thanks for stopping by. :)
DeleteEvery season of life comes with a desire for something else, the next thing, the next season - and it's a constant battle to stay present. I think the single season is no different, it just get more closely scrutinized! And while it's okay to want, pray, wish for something else while you're in a season, learning to stay present.. that's the golden lesson!
ReplyDeleteI love what you have to say here Abi. It's so true - as a society we want the next big thing. And through this post, and even in my life I hope I conveyed how patience is such a virtue in that matter. The reward will be more appreciated when patiently waiting, instead of constantly being discontent.
DeleteIt's totally awesome to be 20 and single! I remember when I was 20. I was single and really just trying to figure out what I wanted for myself. It's okay to be picky when it comes to finding a partner believe me. I thank God every day that I was picky because it lead me to my husband.
ReplyDeleteBTW being a planner will come in handy in your life SO much! But when life has other plans it's nice to be versatile. I'm learning that more and more this year than I have in my entire life!
See I love that. Being single is awesome. I wrote this post to let others know how it's okay to deal with these stereotypes or accusations, because everyone has their own timing and path within the Lord.
DeleteYes! 20 and single! I was too. Enjoy it (I know you are but I am just saying!) People have options abotu everything. I cannot tell who how many people (even some strangers) feel like they need to tell me to have kids soon since I am 30 and have been married "long enough" haha. We are on our own journey and that is okay! The Lord has a plan for you so rest in that! Be you! Make plans, let God change those plans. Write, travel, experience. I think people talk about things just to talk - there is a lot of other things to be and do!! XOXO
ReplyDeleteabout* You*
DeleteThanks Elizabeth!! Yes isn't that strange? The norm around us isn't always the calling for a particular couple, or individual. I love what you said - There is a lot of other things to be and do...so true!!! Thanks for stopping by, and sharing your thoughts :)
DeleteI'm sorry you deal with those stereotypes! I had my first boyfriend (and NOT the person I ended up with!) at the end of 20 so I know how you feel! Whether or not you meet your person soon, rest confident in the power you have in being a strong, confident woman who can do her own thing and not wait around for a man. :-)
ReplyDeleteConsidering that who you eventually choose to end up with for your whole life is one of the single most important decisions you'll ever make, it's SO GREAT that you've got your priorities in line! Like you said, knowing what you're looking for and what you expect (realistically) in a relationship isn't a sign of being "too picky," but of knowing that you're worth having someone who treats you well, and who makes you better.
ReplyDeleteAnd 20 is still so young...I almost wish I hadn't dated so much when I was younger! I feel like it took up so much of my focus and that I didn't always spend the time I should have developing ME.
Thanks for sharing Torrie! I couldn't agree more. : )
Delete